August Matthew Stucky Award: Steven Anderson

This was pretty much inevitable, really. Steven Anderson, pastor of Faithful Word Baptist Church and the personal pastor of our award's namesake, recently gave a charming sermon subtly titled "Why I Hate Barak Obama". It should really have been titled "Why (faggots are evil) I (really hate fags) hate (fags: they're trying to rape me in my sleep) Barack (Sadddam Al Qaida Muslim Atheist Communist Fascist Fag-Lover) Obama (Oooh! I really feel dirty saying that name!)". It's a textbook example of paranoid uber-christian delusion. An example of his "teaching":

How are they multiplying? Do you not see that they're multiplying? Are you that blind? Have you noticed that there's more than there were last year and the year before, and the year before that? How are they multiplying? They're reproducing right? No, here's a biology lesson: they're not reproducers, they're recruiters! And you know who they're after? Your children. Remember you dropped off your kids last week? That's who they're after. You drop them off at some daycare, you drop them off at some school somewhere, you don't know where they're at. I'll tell you where they're at: they're being recruited by the sodomites. They're being molested by the sodomites... Because each sodomite recruits far more than one other sodomite because his whole life is about recruiting other sodomites, his whole life is about violating and hurting people and molesting 'em.

Sounds like sodomites are an awful lot like christian ministers.

So I'm apparently a "Bo"

Ben Loves Babies is not pleased with me:

Is this blog a Bo?

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/2009/january/boslaw.html

I really can't tell. Like most atheists, this blog is vulgar and low-brow, and demonstrates no critical thinking abilities whatsoever. It results to name-calling ("assholery"? Are we 12?) instead of intelligent discussion.

Ben, let me clue ya in to a thing or two.

1) This blog is not "an atheist", nor is it's author (not yet, anyway: but people like you are pushing me there).

2) There are circumstances under which name calling is entirely appropriate. Scott Roeder's crime is one such circumstance (as is any circumstance in which a Stucky is given out: you have to be a gigantic douche bag to even be considered).

3) Landover Baptist Church is a spoof. It's making fun of you, and "Bo's" law is a reference to Poe's Law (Landover's website itself is a Poe), of which you are obviously blissfully ignorant (big surprise there).

As for my blog's popularity (or lack thereof), I really couldn't care less: it's just a place for me to vent (hence it's "low, vulgar" nature)

But thanks for playing.

June 2009 Matthew Stucky Award: Scott Roeder

Well, that didn't take long.

Asshole.

May 2009 Matthew Stucky Award: Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O’Connor

Haven't given an award out lately, but I felt I needed to when I read this. The good cardinal who oversaw a Church which systematically brutalized generations of Irish children has declared that the greatest evil facing us is... atheism.

Really.

Not priests who anally violate little boys.

Atheism.

Fucker.

March Matthew Stucky Award

The coveted Matthew Stucky Award for the month of March 2009 goes to archbishop Jose Cardoso Sobrinho of Rio De Janero Recife, Brazil, whose callous, cruel condmenation of a 9-year old girl for being raped by her stepfather very nearly equals the insane misogyny of the Muslims who execute sexual assault victims for adultery. A condemnation which is being defended by the catholic church's chief perpetuator of pederasty, pope benedict xvi.

Jose! Why don't you pull out all of the stops, bury her up to her neck, and hit her in the head with rocks? Oh, wait: stoning is to quick and painless for her, isn't it? Much more fitting for her to be slowly torn apart by the development of twins her body is not physically capable of bearing.

Fucker.

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Update:
I'm tempted to add, mostly out of pique, the Sydney Morning Herald as co-recipients for this headline:

Vatican defends excommunication for 'raped' nine-year-old girl's abortion

Why exactly is the word raped in quotes? Is there some uncertainty about whether a 9-year old girl is capable of validly consenting to sex? WTF?!

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Update II:
The Herald has removed the quotes.

Seems Matthew Stucky May Be My Ticket to Fame

I keep this blog mostly as a place to vent. I get nearly zero traffic, but then, that doesn't bother me much: I'm pretty much just hollering off a cliff and I know it. But like most boon dock bloggers, every once in a while I write a post that catches someones eye and gets itself linked in a high traffic area. Such was the case with the Stucky post. My traffic went from 4 visitors a day to a whopping 60 after I was linked to a forum called The Fighting Fundamentalist Forums. 60 hits in one day! WIN!

Careful, PZ, I'm hot on your tail.

First Recipient of the Matthew Stucky Award: Matthew Stucky!

We have a new candidate for the title of 'Dumbest, Vilest Person on the Internet'.
And his name is apparently Matthew Stucky. Matthew has uncovered an insidious plot to infect children with Teh Gay:

Faggot reindeer (GASP!)

Yes, because the reindeer in the Rankin/Bass version of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" which, in truly scholarly fashion, he mistakenly attributes to Disney Studios (see edit below) are apparently male, and some of them have names Matt thinks are less than acceptably masculine, they must be gay, and the movie is trying to promote homosexuality, and of course, because conservative xtians have the discernment capacity of a wilted cabbage, pedophilia.

Really. I'm not kidding. But that's not all. Matt sees Teh Gay everywhere, even on Scooby Doo:

People are going to read this & say I'm crazy but hasn't Hollywood always been trying to pump in homosexual themes into kids movies & cartoons. One of the teletubbies is gay. Bert & Ernie are gay. In Scooby Doo Greg is gay. Hollywood has always had agendas they are trying to push and one of those major agendas is homosexuality is ok. It's no big deal. Another one they are trying to push is "It's ok for women to work."

Matt, please let me be the first to tell you that whether Hollywood has an agenda or not, you're crazy. Bat-shit insane. Howl-at-the-moon, run-around-naked-playing-a-kazoo-with-a-flower-pot-on-your-head bonkers.

What motivates people like you? Why are you so ridiculously obsessed with anal sex? I know a number of homosexuals, and if they spent half the time thinking about gay sex that you do, they wouldn't have any left over to feed themselves. Honestly, don't you have anything else to do?

And then Matt, you close with this little gem:

I would be overjoyed if every single queer in the entire world died today. The Bible makes it clear they are reprobates who are past the point of salvation. The Bible also makes it clear they are rapists & very wicked people. They have no chance to get saved and no saved person could ever become a queer. Therefore, I would be overjoyed if they all died tonight & our government would actually follow what the Bible states. The death penalty should be enacted for the queers.

I hereby announce the establishment of the Matthew Stucky Award for Uncompromising Religious Insanity. It will be given out to those people whose theological views are so extreme that they test the limits of Poe's Law, entering a sublime region of nut-space which arguably lies beyond parody.

Hat tip: Dispatches From the Culture Wars

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(Edit: apparently, I falsely accuse him of misidentifying the producer: he was referring in that comment to Peter Pan, not Rudolph. I hate it when one of these human hemorrhoids gets one over on me, but fair's fair.)