And his name is apparently Matthew Stucky. Matthew has uncovered an insidious plot to infect children with Teh Gay:
Faggot reindeer (GASP!)
Yes, because the reindeer in the Rankin/Bass version of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"
Really. I'm not kidding. But that's not all. Matt sees Teh Gay everywhere, even on Scooby Doo:
People are going to read this & say I'm crazy but hasn't Hollywood always been trying to pump in homosexual themes into kids movies & cartoons. One of the teletubbies is gay. Bert & Ernie are gay. In Scooby Doo Greg is gay. Hollywood has always had agendas they are trying to push and one of those major agendas is homosexuality is ok. It's no big deal. Another one they are trying to push is "It's ok for women to work."Matt, please let me be the first to tell you that whether Hollywood has an agenda or not, you're crazy. Bat-shit insane. Howl-at-the-moon, run-around-naked-playing-a-kazoo-with-a-flower-pot-on-your-head bonkers.
What motivates people like you? Why are you so ridiculously obsessed with anal sex? I know a number of homosexuals, and if they spent half the time thinking about gay sex that you do, they wouldn't have any left over to feed themselves. Honestly, don't you have anything else to do?
And then Matt, you close with this little gem:
I would be overjoyed if every single queer in the entire world died today. The Bible makes it clear they are reprobates who are past the point of salvation. The Bible also makes it clear they are rapists & very wicked people. They have no chance to get saved and no saved person could ever become a queer. Therefore, I would be overjoyed if they all died tonight & our government would actually follow what the Bible states. The death penalty should be enacted for the queers.I hereby announce the establishment of the Matthew Stucky Award for Uncompromising Religious Insanity. It will be given out to those people whose theological views are so extreme that they test the limits of Poe's Law, entering a sublime region of nut-space which arguably lies beyond parody.
Hat tip: Dispatches From the Culture Wars
(Edit: apparently, I falsely accuse him of misidentifying the producer: he was referring in that comment to Peter Pan, not Rudolph. I hate it when one of these human hemorrhoids gets one over on me, but fair's fair.)