Thursday, January 1, 2009

First Recipient of the Matthew Stucky Award: Matthew Stucky!

We have a new candidate for the title of 'Dumbest, Vilest Person on the Internet'.
And his name is apparently Matthew Stucky. Matthew has uncovered an insidious plot to infect children with Teh Gay:

Faggot reindeer (GASP!)

Yes, because the reindeer in the Rankin/Bass version of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" which, in truly scholarly fashion, he mistakenly attributes to Disney Studios (see edit below) are apparently male, and some of them have names Matt thinks are less than acceptably masculine, they must be gay, and the movie is trying to promote homosexuality, and of course, because conservative xtians have the discernment capacity of a wilted cabbage, pedophilia.

Really. I'm not kidding. But that's not all. Matt sees Teh Gay everywhere, even on Scooby Doo:
People are going to read this & say I'm crazy but hasn't Hollywood always been trying to pump in homosexual themes into kids movies & cartoons. One of the teletubbies is gay. Bert & Ernie are gay. In Scooby Doo Greg is gay. Hollywood has always had agendas they are trying to push and one of those major agendas is homosexuality is ok. It's no big deal. Another one they are trying to push is "It's ok for women to work."
Matt, please let me be the first to tell you that whether Hollywood has an agenda or not, you're crazy. Bat-shit insane. Howl-at-the-moon, run-around-naked-playing-a-kazoo-with-a-flower-pot-on-your-head bonkers.

What motivates people like you? Why are you so ridiculously obsessed with anal sex? I know a number of homosexuals, and if they spent half the time thinking about gay sex that you do, they wouldn't have any left over to feed themselves. Honestly, don't you have anything else to do?

And then Matt, you close with this little gem:
I would be overjoyed if every single queer in the entire world died today. The Bible makes it clear they are reprobates who are past the point of salvation. The Bible also makes it clear they are rapists & very wicked people. They have no chance to get saved and no saved person could ever become a queer. Therefore, I would be overjoyed if they all died tonight & our government would actually follow what the Bible states. The death penalty should be enacted for the queers.
I hereby announce the establishment of the Matthew Stucky Award for Uncompromising Religious Insanity. It will be given out to those people whose theological views are so extreme that they test the limits of Poe's Law, entering a sublime region of nut-space which arguably lies beyond parody.

Hat tip: Dispatches From the Culture Wars



(Edit: apparently, I falsely accuse him of misidentifying the producer: he was referring in that comment to Peter Pan, not Rudolph. I hate it when one of these human hemorrhoids gets one over on me, but fair's fair.)

3 comments:

Dan M said...

If you want to see dumb and vile, check out the website for the Stucky's church:

http://www.faithfulwordbaptist.org/

From the Doctrinal Statement:
"We believe that homosexuality is a sin and an abomination which God punishes with the death penalty."

"Pastor Anderson holds no college degree but has well over 100 chapters of the Bible committed to memory, including almost half of the New Testament. "

"every Sodomite mentioned in the Bible is a rapist. This is why God instituted the death penalty for Sodomites. He knows that they are predators and should be kept away from society and especially children."

Oh, and if you click the sermons tab, you can listen to Brother Matthew Stucky's own sermon, entitled "Purge out the Liberals."

Morgan Bell said...

i love your analysis of crazy Stucky!

thanks for stopping by my blog

Anonymous said...

I was stucky's friend until about halfway through college and I find your take on him and what he stands for incredibly amusing. He's completely insane and I found out before I, myself, got in too deep with the shit he believes. I am proud to declare myself an unbeliever and if he were honest with himself, he would renounce the bullshit too.