Friday, January 16, 2009

Seems Matthew Stucky May Be My Ticket to Fame

I keep this blog mostly as a place to vent. I get nearly zero traffic, but then, that doesn't bother me much: I'm pretty much just hollering off a cliff and I know it. But like most boon dock bloggers, every once in a while I write a post that catches someones eye and gets itself linked in a high traffic area. Such was the case with the Stucky post. My traffic went from 4 visitors a day to a whopping 60 after I was linked to a forum called The Fighting Fundamentalist Forums. 60 hits in one day! WIN!

Careful, PZ, I'm hot on your tail.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Playmobil Introduces New "Police State" Expansion Packs

And I'm not kidding: this is sad but funny (read the reviews: they're the best part).

I know, I'm a little late on this one: could have made a great stocking stuffer. But there's always next year!

But wait, there's more! You can also teach your kids to submit to unreasonable searches with the Police Checkpoint set!

I can hardly wait for the 'Lil Gitmo Expansion set with optional water-boarding room!

Friday, January 9, 2009

Poor Little Sarah Palin: "I Was Exploited"

What a tool the woman is.
I wasn't believed that Trig was really my son. You know, that rumor persists today even. We're still receiving calls in our state press office regarding Trig and who is the real mother of this child. When did we start accepting as hard news sources bloggers, anonymous bloggers especially? It's a sad state of affairs in the world of the media today, mainstream media especially, if they're going to rely on anonymous bloggers for their hard news information. Very scary.

Hmm... kind of like your accusations against your opponent when you were running for mayor of Wasilla? That he wasn't legally married because his wife retained her maiden name? When you harassed him and demanded that he make his marriage license publicly available? Or maybe like your numerous accusations that Obama was/is a terrorist?

My heart's trying hard to bleed.
I've been interested also to see how Caroline Kennedy will be handled, and if she'll be handled with kid gloves, or if she will be under such a microscope also.

The idea of her appointment has already been lambasted by numerous people across the political spectrum. If you ever read the news, you'd know that already. Oh, that's right: you read all the newspapers and magazines already, don't you?

The woman's hypocrisy and dishonesty are breathtaking.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Help Cuttlefish Battle AIG

No, not the insurance company. The idiot creationist site.

Cuttlefish is part of my regular blog tour: his poems are clever, funny, and timely: show some love and link him on your blog to try to bump his Google rank!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

First Recipient of the Matthew Stucky Award: Matthew Stucky!

We have a new candidate for the title of 'Dumbest, Vilest Person on the Internet'.
And his name is apparently Matthew Stucky. Matthew has uncovered an insidious plot to infect children with Teh Gay:

Faggot reindeer (GASP!)

Yes, because the reindeer in the Rankin/Bass version of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" which, in truly scholarly fashion, he mistakenly attributes to Disney Studios (see edit below) are apparently male, and some of them have names Matt thinks are less than acceptably masculine, they must be gay, and the movie is trying to promote homosexuality, and of course, because conservative xtians have the discernment capacity of a wilted cabbage, pedophilia.

Really. I'm not kidding. But that's not all. Matt sees Teh Gay everywhere, even on Scooby Doo:
People are going to read this & say I'm crazy but hasn't Hollywood always been trying to pump in homosexual themes into kids movies & cartoons. One of the teletubbies is gay. Bert & Ernie are gay. In Scooby Doo Greg is gay. Hollywood has always had agendas they are trying to push and one of those major agendas is homosexuality is ok. It's no big deal. Another one they are trying to push is "It's ok for women to work."
Matt, please let me be the first to tell you that whether Hollywood has an agenda or not, you're crazy. Bat-shit insane. Howl-at-the-moon, run-around-naked-playing-a-kazoo-with-a-flower-pot-on-your-head bonkers.

What motivates people like you? Why are you so ridiculously obsessed with anal sex? I know a number of homosexuals, and if they spent half the time thinking about gay sex that you do, they wouldn't have any left over to feed themselves. Honestly, don't you have anything else to do?

And then Matt, you close with this little gem:
I would be overjoyed if every single queer in the entire world died today. The Bible makes it clear they are reprobates who are past the point of salvation. The Bible also makes it clear they are rapists & very wicked people. They have no chance to get saved and no saved person could ever become a queer. Therefore, I would be overjoyed if they all died tonight & our government would actually follow what the Bible states. The death penalty should be enacted for the queers.
I hereby announce the establishment of the Matthew Stucky Award for Uncompromising Religious Insanity. It will be given out to those people whose theological views are so extreme that they test the limits of Poe's Law, entering a sublime region of nut-space which arguably lies beyond parody.

Hat tip: Dispatches From the Culture Wars

(Edit: apparently, I falsely accuse him of misidentifying the producer: he was referring in that comment to Peter Pan, not Rudolph. I hate it when one of these human hemorrhoids gets one over on me, but fair's fair.)

Michael Newdow is a Gigantic Asshat

Would someone please duct-tape this idiot's face shut? Literally?

It's no great secret that the US is an overly evangelical country. We require all of our congressional representatives to indulge in empty, fawning religious obeisance before we will elect them to office. We structure much of our lives around religious practices. We invoke God or credit him for helping us achieve the most trivial and asinine goals, like scoring a touchdown. And it can get damned frustrating for a person who does not indulge in Armband Religion (thank you for that phrase, Kathleen Parker).

But come on. It's a stupid little ritual that occupies a few minutes of time and will not be remembered a year from now. At least, it wouldn't have been, if this self-important jackass and his capering sycophants hadn't decided to pop up from under their collective rock and make fools of themselves. Now, Bill "War on Christmas" O'Reily and Sean "Brain? What brain?" Hannity will be regaling the nation with tales of how evil secularists are persecuting poor, helpless Christians. And for what? NOTHING.

There are real, tangible separation issues occurring in our society. People lose custody of their children because judges apply religious dogma in their decisions. Prisoners are differentially sentenced, or granted or denied parole on the basis of whether they are "saved". Military personnel are targeted for proselytization and abuse, and denied promotion on religious grounds. And the inauguration invocation is the best gripe this band of morons can come up with?

Mr. Newdow, please go back to playing in your sandbox and let the grown-ups do the heavy lifting. We don't need your interference.